It’s been two weeks since eight people were killed in Atlanta, six of whom were Asian women. It’s been two weeks since the murderer had a “bad day.” It’s been two weeks of aches, despondency, and rage. Yet, these emotions aren’t new for the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) community. We know the bitter truth. I’ve recently been reintroduced to a Korean word, Han that cannot be precisely defined. Han is a sentiment that is novel to Korean individuals who have been subject to colonization and imperialism time and again. Dr. Kiona defines Han as, “a feeling of unresolved resentment against injustices suffered, a sense of helplessness because of the overwhelming odds against one, a feeling of acute pain in one’s guts and bowels, making the whole body writhe and squirm, and an obstinate urge to take revenge and to right the wrong-all these combined.” Perhaps it’s because I’m Korean-American but I feel so seen and validated by this word -- it so consummately but delicately describes the turbulent feelings flowing inside me. On top of the anger I’m also just so, so tired. I’m tired of being dehumanized and reduced to a stereotype. I’m tired of being the punchline and the scapegoat. I’m tired of people celebrating Asian heritage and culture but not discussing the violence and discrimination in the AAPI community. I’m tired of the divisiveness I see between marginalized communities as a result of white supremacy. I’m tired of having to ask friends to step-up and take care of me and my community. I’m tired of the “buts” and debates that ensue when I have conversations with family and community members about racism, sexism, and anti-blackness in the AAPI community. I’m also ashamed that I’m not louder, that I always feel the weight of internalized oppression, that I still hesitate to speak my reality more loudly. These feelings weighed heavy on me on my way to the Philly Rally for Solidarity, organized by Philly4Solidarity last week on Thursday, March 25th in Chinatown. Having been in a mood all week, I was looking forward to the rally but I was also nervous because I worried, what if only 10 people show up? What if something happens while we’re all there together? What if…? The best way I can describe the rally is that it was healing. I got to the rally right at 3 pm and was immediately welcomed by some of the wonderful grassroots organizers, who invited me to help out with little tasks like passing out cardboard and markers to make signs. The buzzing energy of collectivity and unity was palpable. From the five of us tearing up cardboard so that everyone could create a sign to when all of us - white, Black, Indigenous, Latino, Asian - shared a collective space of grief and strength as we marched together to City Hall. I left the rally with new friends, new allies, and a touch bit lighter. I want to thank the organizers who made this space happen. I also want to plainly and clearly say that just because there’s been a rally, the fight isn’t over. All of us, as a collective, must continue to do the work and keep pushing for everyone’s liberation. I read Adrienne Maree Brown’s book Emergent Strategy last year and want to end with her wise words: “I think it is healing behavior, to look at something so broken and see the possibility and wholeness in it. In hope and solidarity, Amy
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